I've live blogged before. But my Oscars live blog is usually more funny. Because WAY more stuff goes wrong at the Oscars.
8:10 - Starting a bit late tonight. All I know is that when I walked into our friends house in Orlando Leonard Nimoy was on TV. Sooooo...I'm good. And also, there's champagne here.
Just as I suspected, all the TV stars living in one building. If that's true, then that means the backlot from Pee Wee's Big Adventure is also real.
Kevin Nealon makes an appearance in the opening montage! IMMEDIATE WIN! (I'm probably a little behind the rest of you, we had to pause it because a lizard needed to be saved from the front door. I promptly saved it by scaring it into losing it's tail...I am the worst.)
RON! The man from "Community" who loves brunettes and breakfast food. And Andy Richter's a few feet away from him. And now, the Mad Men set. This will cause much hate mail, but I'm tired of Mad Men. I recognize it's general awesomeness and Christina Hendricks is the best. But I'm over the fact that every single week Don is back to being a dummy.
I got goosebumps when Jane Lynch said, "Who here loves television?" As my friend Josh said on facebook today. "The Emmys are my Super Bowl." Jane Lynch slushies herself. Kinda lame...
Oh no...dancers. If it's supposed to be a joke, it's not cheesy enough. It's just regular cheesy. And it makes me want to look away.
First 30 Rock clip. Now I'm settling in. I love a good montage. Michael's proposal to Holly! One of the best moments in the TV year if you ask me. You didn't, but there it is.
Cutaway to Jack McBrayer. Have you ever seen him interact with Conan O'Brien? There's just about nothing funnier.
Jimmy Fallon and Jimmy Kimmel are fun together. Really fun. They should do a buddy movie, they're very Danny Kaye and Bing Crosby.
FIRST AWARD! I want Jane Krakowski or Kristen Wiig BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS. So so so many funny women on TV right now. Boooooo! Julie Bowen. Just kidding, she's hilarious. But I'd like 30 ROCK to sweep everything.
Be honest, first award of the night. Are you visualizing what your own Emmy acceptance speech would be? I mean...cause I'm not....
Julianna Margules. THAT DRESS. I was literally swooning. And then I saw the bedazzledness...so close to perfect. And yet so far. In the room all the ladies gasped and said, "Ooooh!" and then as they camera pushed in closer, we all went, "Ewwww."
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR. I'm for Ed O'Neill! But hey, I love...oh no, I already forgot his name. But as my grandma would say, "He's a nice fella." Modern Family is great. No complaints with that win. Hilarious acceptance speech. "Dad, just think of me as a very masculine lady."
On the way to commercial I see Maria Bello's dress. Art deco perfection. Perfection I say!
Ricky Gervais!!!!! YES. Anything he does rules. Everyone who hated what he did last year, can, as Tina Fey says...suck it. He's hysterical. Ah the classic "cutting things poorly" bit. Takes me back to The Simpsons. "Sweeet, sweeet can." See...I know Jane's "not enough hugs from Mommy" jab was a scripted joke. But it makes me feel protective of Ricky and therefore annoyed with her. This will taint the show. Not gonna lie. If you haven't yet watched "An Idiot Abroad" you are missing out on a million kinds of awesomeness.
Will Arnett and Zooey Deschanel. Love them separately and therefore, love them together.
OUTSTANDING WRITING FOR A COMEDY SERIES. Fingers crossed for Matt Hubbard or Greg Daniels. Okay, we've got a Modern Family sweep on our hands. It's a great show, but come on...Jake things they're going to sweep Drama too just for the heck of it. But if they win any sci-fi awards, I'm going to get suspicious. Man, the comedy acceptance speeches are so great. Writer on the right looks like Harrison Ford's older cousin.
8:45 Hey, Jane Lynch just told the drama category joke. Maybe I should write for TV? Ugh, Charlie Sheen. If I rolled my eyes any harder, they'd fall right out of my head. Move it along buddy, move it along. Somebody's PR guy is working over time, but where's the punch line?
BEST ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES. Steve Carell, all the way. Or Alec Baldwin. Jim Parsons wins. Great guy, but...where I'm watching the Emmys, everyone is wondering why isn't he in the "supporting" category? Can I be honest? Big Bang is wearing on me too. I know that's sacrilege. But nerd references just aren't enough for me...and they're writing Leonard so whiny. And Kaley Cuoco is WAY more hilarious than they let her be lately. Oh geez, I HATE people like me. I work on a TV show now. I should know better.
You know what? I'm not even going to complain about the fact that Fey or Poehler didn't win. Because this moment is the greatest thing EVER. The tiara and roses totally clinch it. There's so much freaking love in that room/auditorium right now. It's like..awards, what awards? Who cares? Look at all these funny chicks!
8:55 Back from commercial break to an Office/Parks and Rec/30 Rock/Mad Men mashup. Best. Emmys. Ever. Jake LOVES it anytime Kevin yells. So he's happy. Whoever wrote this should win an Emmy. When is the award show for award shows?
9:02 - REALITY SHOW AWARDS. Where's the sick bag? No, that's not fair. I would be all for any of the talk shows, Letterman, SNL, Pee Wee Herman on Broadway, Conan, Colbert Report...anything other than Toddlers and Tiaras or Teen Mom. If Toddlers and Tiaras wins, I'm throwing something through the nearest plate glass window.
Kaley Cuoco's dress and shoes and hair and everything. It's all wonderful. Amazing Race wins. Can't argue with that, at least they're bringing some culture to audiences. But the sheer amount of people accepting the award is kind of hilarious. But that tells you how many people it takes to run a show like that.
COME. ON. CONAN. Outstanding writing goes to...Daily Show with Jon Stewart. They deserve it. But I wish Conan would've won. Someone in the room just said Conan sucks...and Jake and I just went dead cold...it got weird in here. Jake is wearing his "The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien" shirt.
I just want you to know that this laptop is burning my legs. But I'm doing it all for you...all for you.
The Lonely Island. And this is how I know I'm getting old, because I feel mildly annoyed. I recognize that they're funny and I always laugh at their stuff on SNL. But right now I'm just getting flashbacks from high school when I would laugh at the cool boys' pervy jokes to try to fit in.
9:15 - And then it all changed because Michael Bolton's fake pirate moustache was hilariously askew and Maya Rudolph showed up. In one sense, there's something truly magical about the fact that there's all this really immature sketch stuff happening on what is supposed to be a sophisticated awards show. Me being annoyed with it is one thing. But the antagonistic factor, rebelliousness and Maya Rudolph changed my mind. Also, the early nineties themed dancers are a big plus!
OUTSTANDING DIRECTING OF A VARIETY SHOW goes to Don Roy King of SNL. Well deserved sir, well deserved.
OUTSTANDING VARIETY SERIES. Come on...couldn't even finish typing Conan. Again, I love the Daily Show. But I really wanted Conan to win.
9:29 - Cryer and Kutcher presenting OUTSTANDING WRITING IN A DRAMA SERIES - I'm realizing I watch almost no drama on television. It's almost 100% comedy in our house. Though I do get really into "Parenthood" and I spent a couple of weeks watching straight through "Mad Men" On Netflix. The only real dramas I watch are on PBS. Am I a pre-snob? Oh no...I think I am. I've also been saying things lately like, "I only get my news from the BBC." Next thing you know, I'll be asking for the cheese cart at restaurants.
As they go to commercial breaks, I really love the backstage shots. It's fun to see everyone goofing off.
OUTSTANDING DIRECTOR FOR A DRAMA SERIES. The fact that Martin Scorsese is directing TV makes me feel sorry for all the other TV directors. How can you stand a chance when people like Scorsese...and the Emmy goes to him. See? Not a chance. On the other hand, just imagine a world where prestigious film directors did lots of TV shows. Talk about elevating the art form. Well...talk about it.
9:44 - The Emmy girl who just escorted Scorsese off had an amazing dress...ooh and there's another one. The red sparkly one!
OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES. I like Josh Charles or Andre Braugher or Peter Dinklage or Alan Cumming. So....pretty much all of them. Peter Dinklage! He rules. But here again, all of these amazing film actors in all of this wonderful TV. It's like when actors took over magazine covers and all those poor destitute models lost all their jobs...
Ah yes, the commercial for the "Footloose" remake. And that's all I have to say.
9:51 - A Jersey bit with Anderson Cooper and Jane Lynch as a Jersey character.
9:53 - Katie Holmes gives a stunning performance as a human being. She's onstage to announce the winner of OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTRESS IN A DRAMA. Julianna Margules. Lovely and talented as always. Okay Julianna...four score and seven years ago. Sorry. Champagne makes me mean.
9:56 - Drew Barrymore introduces the new Charlie's Angels who then introduce the nominees for OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTOR IN A DRAMA. Hugh Laurie is among the nominees and did you know he was a comedy star in England for years and years in a show called "Frye and Laurie"? You probably did. I'm very slow. But when the four gals onstage yelled the winners name just now, everyone in the room looked at each other and said, "Did you understand what they just said?" If the winner hadn't stood up and walked onstage, I still wouldn't know who won. It sounded like, "Squeeee, sqwarkle! Ahhhh, hahaha!"
As the show goes on, I wonder, will we look back at this era or TV and laugh at the fashion? Not as much as the eighties or nineties, right? I don't see anything outright hideous that will look really goofy in any future retrospectives.
10:05 - EMMYTONES announcing the Miniseries category - First, what's Wilmer Valderrama doing there? Second, L.L. Cool J. just came on stage and was kind of...too cool. He took it from joke to actually badass for a second. Let this be a lesson to you everyone, bringing L.L. Cool J. anywhere is serious business. Don't take it lightly.
So PBS and HBO have all the nominations. SHERLOCK must win. Must. Win.
And then doesn't. I am jinxing the awards.
OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES goes to Maggie Smith. I got really really excited, but she's not in attendance. Bummer. She's a living legend. Is that an insult? Is that like saying, "Oh my gosh, I totally thought your species was extinct! You're like a living dinosaur and that's why you're amazing!" Because I totally don't mean it like that. I mean it like, she's had such an amazing career that nobody could ever take that away from her. Not that anyone would try.
10:17 - Amy Poehler onstage. A hushed reverence falls over the audience. Announcing OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE is reminding me that I have been way disconnected from TV. So I have no gauge of who I want to win. But you can never go wrong with William Hurt, right? Or Barry Pepper from "The Kennedys". His name makes me want a sandwich.
Uh-Oh...the In Memoriam. I never do well with these. The "walking down the aisle" start to "Hallelujah" gave me a chuckle and I don't even know why...so that helps.
James MacArthur and Peter Falk and Harold Gould! (I knew Gould as "Charlie" from The Golden Girls. By the way, I am wearing my Golden Girls shirt tonight. Bill Erwin, didn't know he had passed. Leslie Nielsen. Of course. Uncle Frank...such a bummer. I keep wanting to cheer when I see their names and then thinking, "Oh yeah, they're dead. How sad."
They shouldn't run the commercial for "Dolphin Tale" right after the In Memoriam. I'm already vulnerable here people!
10:30 - OUTSTANDING SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE. (Why do I feel like they've already given this award out a hundred times? Uh-Oh, I'm getting awards-weary. Guy Pearce wins.
10:36 - Hugh Laurie and Claire Danes are presenting OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTRESS IN A MINISERIES OR MOVIE. Kate Winslet wins. Love the dress. Love the hair. She's stunning and charming and I love her. (I think I'm realizing that I not-so-secretly want to be British.)
10:39 Wait, wait, wait...is the Emmy band covering "Hey Ya" by Outkast? That's random.
10:44 Wow, Don Cheadle gets some sweet entry music. OUTSTANDING MINISERIES OR MOVIE goes to Downtown Abbey Masterpiece.
Mario Bello and William H. Macy both looking stunning. Did Macy win some kind of award in scarf form? Whatever he's wearing makes him look like a diplomat. OUTSTANDING DRAMA SERIES goes to "Mad Men". Christina Hendricks stands up and the world goes to a hushed silence. All the ladies look amazing, but she is just stunning, stunning, stunning. Elizabeth Moss looks incredible too.
And now the Emmy house band does "Seven Nation Army". That rules.
10:54 - Here comes the big one. Gwyneth Paltrow arrives to present the nominees for BEST COMEDY SERIES. Come on 30 Rock! D'oh! I mostly wanted them to win just to hear one of Tina Fey's awesome acceptance speeches. It was a clean sweep for Modern Family though.
All in all, a fun year. Best moment? All the first ladies of comedy and their hilarious pageant improv. Second best? Fallon and Kimmel doing everything they did.
Weirdest moment? The Lonely Island Boys humping in William H. Macy's general direction.
Worst moment? I don't know if there was a true worst. It was a great solid ceremony full of relaxed laughs and gorgeous celebrities. All over by 10:59 p.m. And that's certainly not a bad way to spend a Sunday night.
But that's one SWEET confetti and glitter bomb going off in the audience...good grief...
So what did you think of the Emmys this year?