Run Home Jack

My brain puts two and two together by reaching out into the ether of pop culture, plucking out strands and slowly weaving together realizations.

It would be nice if things dawned on me in, oh I don't know...complete thoughts. But I'll take what I can get.

As such, there are things rolling around up there in my mind. I suspect my subconscious is gathering up for some kind of complete thought. But until I figure out what that is, here are the unwoven strands weaving their way into something right now...

1. "Run Home Jack!"

I've been thinking of the movie "Hook" almost non-stop lately. Don't know why exactly. Specifically, the part where the pirates are accidentally chanting, "Run Home Jack" instead of "Home Run Jack". That and the fantastic score.

Funny thing is, I haven't been able to watch this movie since I returned from Romania way back in December of 2005. The lost boys hit too close to home when I think of the children I worked with there. It's just too much emotionally. Perhaps that has something to do with why it's banging down the door to my memory now... 

2. "Do it honey, do it!"

An obscure Jane Russell quote from a song in the musical "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes" has been offering me phantom encouragement lately. Yesterday, I committed one of my repeat cardinal sins. I cut my own bangs. I think it looks cute and my husband likes it and I needed a visual change to mark whatever this little phase is I'm going through.

And even after spending hours watching tutorials on cutting bangs, making sure I had combed out the perfect section of hair, I stood in front of the bathroom mirror, poised. I waited and waited. I second-guessed. And from out of that ether, came the random voice of Jane. "Do it honey, do it!" How odd.

I guess you can't spend your entire lifetime watching movies and not expect them to wriggle their way into your subconscious somehow, eh? Hear the voice of my encourager at 2:02.

3. Last but not least, I've been compelled to read C.S. Lewis lately. 

"We all want progress. But progress means getting nearer to the place you want to be. And if you have taken a wrong turn, then to go forward does not get you any nearer. If you are on the wrong road, progress means doing an about turn and walking back to the right road; and in that case, the man who turns back soonest is the most progressive man."

And this one...

"Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it."

Maybe some of this is self-imposed. Years ago when I was in a phase of heavy study in the Torah, I noticed that in Jewish culture, you don't get to begin your ministry until you reach the age of 30. It's tradition. 

Movies and Film History, Nonfiction Writing, Learning how to operate a camera and edit, delving into deep study of obsessions 

It's likely wishful thinking. But what if it's not?   

I'm lucky to know a writer named Sarah Grubb. I follow her blog obsessively. I check it way too often. So often that I worry if she has Google Analytics she'll think that I might be stalking her. But anyway, in addition to being an incredible writer, she also makes collages. Recently, she collaged an image of the silhouette of a woman with these sort of green cells bouncing around inside of her. A few weeks later, she was diagnosed with mono. Prophetic? The body knowing before the mind? Good luck with glue and paper? Whatever it was, I found it to be endlessly fascinating.   

If it is wishful thinking to imagine that I'm on the edge of an epiphany, then maybe I can will all of this instability into something new. The fictional Agent Scully would tell me that at times in our life when we're searching for meaning, we pay closer attention to the random happenstances of life and try to form a pattern out of them. A road map of some kind. We search for a bolt out of the blue, like we're seeking a permission slip from life. A get out of jail free card when things turn out to be less than what we thought. Maybe that's what I'm doing. Trying to turn this ship around after a difficult year of adjusting to new surroundings and coming down from the academic world.