Geekducation: Bruce Campbell 101

Bruce Campbell broke the news via Twitter last week that at least one "Evil Dead" remake is in the works with his blessing and the direction of the man himself, Sam Raimi.

Personally, I'm bummed that we won't just get an "Evil Dead 4" starring the real Ash that picks up some years after where "Army of Darkness" left off, perhaps with the skeleton army invading the S Mart via a rip in the space time continuum?

How much do you want to see a seasoned Bruce Campbell play an older Ash? But I'm crossing my fingers that he's just toying with us and trying to keep his hopefully starring role a surprise. Above all else, I trust The Chin. So if he likes it, I guess that makes me okay with it by default.

Below, contributor Heather Cichos explores just one of the ways in which life as a geek sometimes intersects with her life as a mother. Bruce Campbell's announcement got her thinking...

“Why is there a naked lady on her shirt?”

            What?! I looked down at myself in a panic, relieved to see only my "Evil Dead" t-shirt, the (not-quite-so-naked as she looks at first glance) girl tucked into Ash's protective embrace as he as he guards her (with his strong-jawed, ax-wielding hotness) from the clutching skeletal hands of the dead. (Holy run-on sentence with excessive use of parentheses, Batman! So sue me. I loves me some Bruce Campbell.)

            I pulled out the bottom of the shirt to display the image more clearly. “Oh, she's not naked, sweetie! She's just wearing a pink nightie, see?” I explained, mostly for the benefit of the little girl's mother and the school nurse.

            I had come to the grade school to pick up my sick daughter, never considering that my attire may be inappropriate. How could I have foreseen that another child would bring my choice of wearable nostalgia to her mother's attention? I felt both embarrassed and defensive. My kids never commented on my choice of clothing. (Except the time my son complimented my choice of a new blue hoodie, informing me, “Gray is not your color.”)

            And why was she looking at the scantily-clad but nonetheless decently covered woman, anyway? Had she seriously looked past Bruce's sexy but determined face? His strong (and still present) right hand with double-bladed ax firm in it's grip? But, alas, it is not for me to educate other people's children in the ways of fandom. That's why I suffered through birthing two of my own...little minds to mold and influence.

            When I heard that "Evil Dead" was going to be remade, I realized that this was my opportunity to introduce my little geek-spawn to Bruce Campbell.  I played the “Remember that other thing you saw him in?” card, which is my usual tactic of trying to breed enthusiasm through familiarity.

            “Remember him, guys?” It was more command than request. “He was in all the 'Spiderman' movies! The wrestling ring announcer? The snooty theater usher? The Maitre d'?” (crickets chirping...) “C'mon! Remember seeing him in... he was that guy in...”

            Well, crap! The man has a long list of acting credits, but my kids had seen jack-squat. What else could I do? I could point out how cute he is to my daughter, but could she really see his beauty through Bieber colored glasses? She's only eight, and prone to bad dreams, so showing her any of the "Evil Dead" flicks was out of the question. When I watched the first one recently, she plugged her ears to get past the TV in our living room and into the bathroom, creeped out by the cackling laughter coming from the speakers.

            But the boy? I sense no fear in him. Ah, yes, the geek is strong with this one. He can be taught that a classic Grade B horror movie can earn an A+. 


Heather and her daughter.
Heather Cichos is a determined woman. Determined to make stretch marks sexy. Determined to become a famous author. Determined to ride Audrey's coattails to glory. She lives in Indiana with her husband and two Geeklets, and spends her spare time counseling bald amputee goats suffering from elchupacabraphobia.

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